Chud Thuck Kankle

Chud Thuck Kankle is a hip and young sk8r boy (c u l8r boy) who killed the CUNK at their request, resulting in a causal cascade of major bummers to happen around space-time. He is the protagonist of the story and is currently trying to win back his freedom in The Dank Tournament.

The Dank Tournament Timeline
Chud Thuck Kankle was a normal, very good boy and student at T-Pose High while he trained under the CUNK until that fateful day where he was tasked to end the CUNK's life, an act meant to restore balance by ending the terrible reign of dabbing. This, however, had many consequences, one of which was--oops!--jail for this little silly hippo kid! Not cool!

In order to earn his freedom, "y proposed an idea: he enter The Dank Tournament and use the prize, a puff of the Magic Wish-Granting Blunt, to free himself from the bondage of his tragic sacrifice.

Though he initially had his doubts, he complied with "y's request and headed off for The Dank Tournament. There, he handily swept through the preliminary rounds, winning fights against mighty warriors like McCool and Fuck Bumble.

After securing a spot in the official tournament (still one night's sleep away), McCool, Fuck Bumble, and another fighter, Afraid of Spiders McGee, all sought to prepare him for his first official bout against A Duck With Abs, training him in the art of the Ab Fist as best as they could in one night. The four formed a bond the likes of which had never been seen before neither in any fictional medium nor in any real life relationship, which gave Chud the tools for defeating A Duck With Abs the next day, which he did, but it was actually still very incredibly hard, and he only won because of the bullshit anime powers of friendship-inspired tenacity. The fight was actually worryingly close, and I'm starting to fear that maybe I tried to sell that bond thing a bit too much and actually the training wasn't very thorough or effective. Nah, couldn't be.

As Chud returned to his friends upon defeating the formidable A Duck With Abs, he was confronted by Prince Fart who insisted on calling him Fear Buddy and did/said a bunch of other things that give Chud weird vibes.

Thirteen years after The Dank Tournament, Chud Thuck Kankle entered the Dab Science Laboratory after Anthony had been shot.

The Dabbing For Jesus Timeline
Chud Thuck Kankle was a normal, very good boy and student at T-Pose High while he trained under the CUNK until that fateful day where Header Boy showed up in a giant Jesus-shaped time machine to shoot him in the heart and throw his lifeless body into the sun.

As Chud's starbound corpse hurdled into the endlessly burning pyre of the sun, something magical happened. His hat turned into a third skateboard, and the three skateboards together circled around him, forming a portal which transfered his life energy into a world between and outside of time and space. There, he posited the one great truth: we all live in a Pokémon world. Only, that wasn't quite true, was it? No, there were many worlds, some Pokémon and some tragically lacking even the most basic Pokémon-adjacent element. It was here where he found the CUNK, safely watching over him. Was this heaven?

Character Page Bio
Act 1: He loves his CUNK.

Act 2: He's fighting for his freedom.

Quotes
"I'm Chud Thuck Kankle! Hip and Young!"

"Capitalism? More like crapitalism! Hold corporations responsible for their gnarly attempts to exploit the working class, dudes!"

"Have any of you gnarly bros seen my CUNK? I can't lose my CUNK! Not today!"

"I sunk my CUNK, my guy. There's no community service in this dank stanky world that can make up for that."

"BIG MEATY SIGH!"